Bringing Order to Chaos

A little over a year ago I returned from a lovely family trip to Hawaii and when I saw the photographs was horrified. That couldn’t be me?? When did I become the fat woman in our family? Don’t get me wrong, I’d always battled that extra 10-15 pounds but it become very clear we were now looking at an extra 30-40 pounds - at least. Moreover, I realized that I felt like crap - both physically and mentally.

I kept asking myself how did this happen? And it bothered me that I didn’t have any real answer - other than obvious ones like lots and lots of mac & cheese. Fast forward a year and a half and the extra weight is now gone. I’m in better physical and mental shape than I’ve ever been in my life. And, now with at least some of the journey behind me, I think I have a partial answer to that question of how did this happen?

Over the course of the last year I’ve had an important self realization: Physical well-being and mental well-being or inextricably linked together for me. I was extremely physically fit and athletic as a teenager. I ran track, played soccer, tennis & racket ball. I scored 100% on the President’s Physical Fitness Challenge (remember those??). Pretty much if it was a sport I participated and loved it.

Then I went to college … There was little opportunity to participate casually in athletics at my University. If you were on a team it was serious business and it seemed like an all or nothing proposition. Either you were an athlete or a scholar but not both. I became a scholar and, over the course of four years, the athletics which had been such a defining part of who I was, disappeared from my life. And I didn’t notice and understand the impact until I saw that woman I didn’t recognize in the photo.

Rediscovering my love of sports and fitness has been a bit like falling in love again. There is a familiar contentment as I feel my body, even after all these years, begin to respond to the challenges I throw at it. And , as I gain physical strength I find my mental strength keeps pace. Like all people in love, I think far too much about my romance. I want to get faster and stronger. I want to bench press small vehicles or annoying people I know. I’m pretty confident that this goal is technically achievable though fraught with logistical challenges.

But, most importantly, I’ve realized that it wasn’t at all about how the woman in the photo looked but instead about what that said about how she felt - weak and out of control.

2010-09-28

unhappyhipsters:

With the retractable wall on the fritz, their days consisted of silent blame, forced small talk, and shooing squirrels.

(Photo: Adam Friedburg; Dwell)

Source: unhappyhipsters

2010-05-06

Real vampires don’t sparkle.

askarsswedishmeatballs:

fuckyeahericnorthman:

(via gloomandbloom)

2010-04-30

Sign posted in my neighborhood.

2010-04-28

Thankful for Small Things …

I’m sincerely grateful that I have no tattoos. I went through a brief period in my 20s when I was convinced that I really needed to get a tattoo. My now husband told me I was being an idiot. Amazingly, I listened to him.

2010-04-19

OMG - Evidence that one shouldn’t always accept what the stylist suggests …

brilliantinemortality:

ASkars in VMan

Source: brilliantinemortality

2010-04-18

Summer Sandal Anxiety

The summer sandal season has begun and I’m already anxious. Very anxious. Purchased two pairs of sandals via Zappos this weekend. One was listed as running large so I ordered a half size smaller. The other pair only came in full sizes so I had to guess based on reviews which direction to go in on the size. I got a pedi today in anticipation of the new sandals arriving at lightening speed. Zappos ALWAYS upgrades to overnight (which in fact they’ve done again in this case). Honestly, how do they even sell overnight shipping?? They’ve never ever not upgraded my shipment to overnight for free. I’m living in fear that I’ll have to return both pairs and then I’ll have freshly painted toes with no place to go …

P.S. I secretly read a paranormal romance on my Kindle iPhone app while getting said pedi. No one was the wiser.

2010-04-15

Kindle & the Fall of Civilization

When I graduated from college my father gave me a subscription to the “New York Review of Books” as a gift. As an avid reader and budding intellectual I’d wait for each issue and carefully select my reading material for the month. I would often end up in lengthy conversations about my purchases with sad ABD grad students working in the local indie bookstore in town. I was proud of what I chose to read and what it said about me.

Now, many years later (I won’t say how many precisely), I’m still an avid reader but I’m not particularly proud of what I’m reading and I’m not quite sure what it conveys about me. I’ve become inexplicably hooked on paranormal romance novels. I think my Kindle is entirely responsible for this situation.

I wouldn’t be caught dead walking up to the counter in a bookstore with one of these or pulling one out of my bag in a local coffee shop and displaying what most certainly would be a book with cover art that, well, you know what I mean … But with my Kindle, I can purchase these trashy things from the privacy of my home late at night. And, even better, I can read them in public and no one is the wiser. My family and friends are all completely unaware of the downward spiral my literary tastes have taken. I hide this like an addict hides their drugs. It is impacting other areas of my literary life. I’ve failed to finish 2 of recent books selected by my bookclub and didn’t even bother to start the most recent selection.

I can’t help but think I’m not the only person suffering in silence with this problem. I look around me at all the people reading eBooks and wonder if we are all now secretly reading trash and what this could mean for our civilization as a whole.

In an effort to at least slow the decline of our civilization, I am promising that I will read one book this month that can arguably be labeled as not total trash.